Don't Believe it: We Don't Need to Love Ourselves First

Before doing this study, please read the 1-minute devotion Do We Really Need to Love Ourselves before We Can Love Others?

Self-esteem teachings have become incredibly popular. Even though they contradict Scripture, they've crept into many teachings in the church (Colossians 2:8). 

The "Christian" self-esteem teachings often claim that before we love others, we must first love ourselves.

1. The two greatest commandments are stated below.

Mark 12:29-31: “The most important [command],” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ 31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

♥ ♥ ♥ The love we have for God should be the highest form of love. It's a love that's filled with trust, admiration, and complete adoration, a love that involves our heart, soul, mind and strength. It's a love that esteems Him above all others, worships and magnifies Him. Our love for God should be greater than any love because God is greater than anyone and has done more for us than anyone.

♥ Our love for our neighbor is compared to the type of love we have for ourselves. That means we bring our neighbor good, not harm and we show him the same consideration we show ourselves. This is a restatement of the Golden Rule: "Do to others as you would have them do to you" (Luke 6:31).

When people talk about loving themselves before they can love others, they're talking about having good feelings about themselves, (i.e. having high self-esteem for themselves). This is wrong in two major ways:

First, having good feelings and high esteem for our neighbor isn't commanded in this verse. That's why we can even "love" our enemies (Luke 6:27). The kind of "love" these verses address has nothing to do with respect or admiration. It's about treating people humanely when they are in need.

Romans 12:20: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” 

Second, our obedience to God's commands is never dependent on how we feel about ourselves. It's dependent on how we feel about God. If we focus on our feelings, we'll never deny ourselves as Christ commands (Luke 9:23).

2. How do the verses below speak to the subject of loving self first: 

2 Timothy 3:1-5: But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. 2 People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4 treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people. 

Romans 12:3: For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. 

1 Peter 5:6: Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 

Proverbs 26:12: Do you see a person wise in their own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for them. 

If you want to study more Scripture related to self-love, check out my Self-Esteem Posts. 

copyright Gail Burton Purath, 2013, BiteSizeBibleStudy.com, updated and edited in 2022